Epic Rap Fights 8D

Lulu vs. Snoos

NONE

Teddy vs. Max

''Max walks up, smirking."Are you joking, I have to battle the blonde? The girl who's as shallow as a dried up pond? I'll just take her tanning, so she can be a french fry. This teddy bear is soon to cry! She first liked Austin, and had a crush for Snoos. At this rate I'm to give her a foot to the caboose! I hate when she tries to sing that song by Train, her annoying voice just gives me a migraine!" Teddy gasps."Sit down, girl, it's music lesson time! I mean, I doubt she even knows how to rhyme!"''

Teddy runs up and smacks Max."Dude, this is why you can't get a girl! You have to treat them like a delicate pearl! Treat them like this, all you'll get is a knife! Why don't you stop bitchin, and try to get a life? Don't blame me for your troubles, or why you fail! Oh, can you tell me what it's like in jail? Why don't you face that you can't beat me!? You're just an annoying Jack Black wannabe!"

''"Pfft, I knew you'd suck, you're pathetic and lame! I think it's about time I won the game! Step down girl, this arena's for the winners! Now head into the kitchen and make me some dinner!" Max replies.''

Teddy gasps."Do you want a high heel up your behind? Gosh, you know how much I hate your kind!? I'm gonna beat you down, all the way back to Ireland! 'While I take a world tour to my motherland!"

AJ vs. Zo

Josie vs. Lee

Josie smiles."Good luck, Lee."

Lee laughs.

"The first battle......Josie Amber vs.........LEE BAKER!"

''Lee smirks."I'm up against a little girl afraid of spiders?" He throws one at Josie, who screams."Clearly we all know I am the better fighter! I entertain for a living, some call it my thing. Josie's just a loser you can't even find with Bing! My friends call me funny, her friends call her Jose! By the end of this battle, she won't be okay!" Josie gasps."The only music you might know is with the pussycats! You're as annoying as your obsession with those damn hats!" Josie takes off her epic hat, insulted."No wonder that you're forever alone, '' you're a cold harpy with a heart made of stone!"

''Josie smirks."Well then, I guess your raps were decent, but they suck in my opinion. Looks like the other person will win againI wonder, Snake, how does it feel, to be outsmarted by a baby seal? Call me Pyramid Head, because soon you'll be dead! You're like a zombie, for some reason, you're fun to watch! Now watch as I take this sledgehammer to your crotch!" Lee closes his legs and jumps back."I'd call you on the phone and say seven days, since that will be the end of the PyschadelicSnake craze." She smirks.''

Lee chuckles."Bitch, you must be trippin', I'm all the rage! Soon, I'll be more well known than Nicholas Cage! You're like the Little Mermaid, you want a lovely boy, but the only thing you'll ever get is probably a chew toy!"

Josie gasps."That's all you got, I guess you're just all hype. Guess that's why all the girls say you just aren't their type. Why don't you give up fame, and admit you're done?  Get out to my lawn and mow it, son!

Austin vs. Sam

''"Woah, are you kidding me? I'm battling the arrogant slore? I'm gonna beat him down, straight to the core! I'm funny, I got humor, he's got none of that! He's just mad because he ain't phat! Weird Al knows what I'm talking about, I hate him as much as Al hates saurkraut! Get him off the field, he's not battle ready! Hurry, before I mess his dreams up worse than Freddy!" Sam smirks."I won that easy, don't you agree? Teaches that snob to stand up to me!" ''

''"You think I'm afraid of an apathetic bitch? I'm laying down a curse like Macbeth's witch! Did you think you'd win, you must be kidding me! Gonna beat you down, like Bruce freaking Lee! Thinking you're badass, you're just a Slim Jim. I'm gonna snap you like a rotting tree limb! At least my girlfriend didn't dump me on tv! Teaches you to try and match up to me, see!?" ''

Sam's eyes widen."Did you just go there, you impudent fool!? Why can't you see you're just a broken tool? I came to win,and you did, too! But this is where I gotta get rid of you! Get out of here before I bring the pain, 'cause I brought the thunder, and I'll make it rain!"

''Austin chuckles."Yeah, I did, can you handle all that or not? I'm gonna leave you on the battlefield to rot! You don't get a funeral,just my middle finger! And plus, I think we all know, I'm the better singer! So step off, son, before I make you cry! Worse than Jesus after I Wanna Be The Guy!" ''

Gerard vs. Jay

Gerard by default

Robert vs. Chimmy

Chimmy chuckles."I have to face this depressed little chump? Talk about a tiny little road bump! You mean nothing to me honey, don't be offended! And by the way, your girl can't be defended! She's a dog, just like you, I mean, what can I say? She looks like the monster from the Frankenstein play! You're not much better, you're just a wannabe! You can't face a mentally advanced girl like me! I'm so much better, you're just speechless, I think. You're far from perfect, despite the song by Pink! Now step off, or get slaughtered again! Only by your fails will you get a ten out of ten!"

''Robert yawns."Oh, is it my turn? I must have fallen asleep. Was I supposed to be insulted by this grimy creep? You can barely rhyme, and it's mostly a joke. Why don't you act like a frog and croak? I may be depressed, but at least I can say, my true love didn't ever profess their love and run away! You have a broken heart, and take it out on others, but let's just hope you never run into their mothers! A smack down of the freaking century, and one of your attackers, will probably be Josie! So step down now, before you make it worse! Or else I'll give you a brand new curse!" Robert says with an "^_^" face.''

Chimmy gasps."At least my love had a face his mother could love! I'll beat you both down, here or up above! After death, I'll always be the winner! Let's face it, you're the appetizer, and I'm the dinner!"

Robert smirks."If that's your best shot, you've clearly lost! I'm making rhymes worthy of Robert Frost! You can't compare to me with your multitude of cheap shots! I'm legendary for taking down freakish snots!"

Zumer vs. Zoey

Zoey by default

ROUND TWO
Josie vs. Austin

Josie walks up."Sorry if I hurt your feelings, Austin."

Austin laughs."Trust me, you won't. Mind if I go first?"

Lee vs. Robert

Josie shrugs."Guess not."

''Austin smirks."I.....I can't do it. You're my friend......I forfeit!" Austin says with an "D:" face.''

Josie shrugs."Well, then."

Lee vs. Robert

''Lee walks up."I'm fighting this talentless hack? Seriously, his rhymes are just whack! I'm the one with all the know how! This kid's best friend has a freakin unibrow! His girl got owned by me in the last round! We may have the Queen but soon I'll be crowned! You suck at playing games, don't get huffin and puffin! Oh, by the way, I ate all of the taco muffins!" Lee says with an ">:D" face.''

Josie falls to her knees."Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" She says with a ";(" face.

''Robert smirks."Hey, boy, rethink your position! So, Lee, how about a proposition? You get upstaged, and get out of my face, and maybe go and try to finish Dead Space! You can't even remember when a door is locked, and at least I didn't get Nemesis stalked! To be honest, I find your accent a fake, it's as much a lie as the mo' effin' cake! Yeah, what now, what are you gonna do!? Stick your middle finger up and say eff you? Being predictable like always, I see, why don't you burn yourself on some crappy hot tea!?" ''

Lee gasps."My accent is epic, I'm bringing sexy back! Your rhymes are as suckish as a rapper on crack! I've beaten all the games, I've wanted to, can we say the same about you? At least I don't have to spend money to reach England, why don't you think about you winning and think again!?

Robert scoffs."You can't bring back what you never had. And are you trying to avoid dying by a girl's dad? No, you can't get one, and I'm the better player here! I'll take you down like a Red Coat without shedding a tear! How much ownage can little Lee take, before he calls it quitz as PyschadelicSnake!?"

Gerard vs. Zo

Zoey vs. Max

ROUND THREE
Robert vs.Max

''Max walks up."Sorry man, but you gotta go down, dude! Please don't think of me as rude. Make sure to give me a run for my money, I want to pown a good player to impress my honey!" Zoey waves and Teddy merely facepalms at the thought of Max with anyone."Now where can I begin, and where will I end? Maybe I'll start with your suckish fashion sense, the one that isn't worth crap, no offense. Oh, wait, I do, I want revenge for your mom jokes! I'm gonna toss you down like some used up smokes! I'll school you here, and even back home! That's probably because your girl left you alone! Let's be honest, you better be scared, because I'm Irish Awesomeness squared!" ''

''Robert shrugs."Max, bro, why are you holding back? I know that you could take a better crack! If I was Austin or your mom, you wouldn't give me a chance! Oh, I mentioned her, on purpose or by happenstance? This battle I'm Charlie Sheen! Winning, against a drama queen! You got beat up by a girl in a rage like a hurricane! You're about to lose just as bad as John McCain!" ''

''Max gasps."Dude, I didn't think that you'd be so harsh! I mean, that was killer, but...Uh....just...garsh! Your good lines are a mystery, but I'm a better one! I'll take you down with my twenty-one guns! You got nothing on me, shawty, I'd rap better but I really have to pee!" Max runs to the bathroom.''

Robert vs. Max
Max

"Awe, boy, look what we have here! Robert rap battling me for Irishman of the year! So sad he can't compare to a pro musician like me! I'm gonna beat him down in the major third degree! That's right, I watched the battles, I know what to expect! I'm gonna beat your ass, let me be direct. You're a sad little kid who's got nowhere to go, one who never had any bros or hoes.....Josie came along and caught your eye, and now you're hooked. Let me just say, that's not okay in my book. You don't deserve her, you need to be forever alone! Why, well you're not human, so maybe you should phone home! Get out of here now, before I take you down! We all know I'll be the one with the crown!"

Robert

"Oh, what's that? It's the sound of all the fucks I'm not giving. Before you judge me, let's see just how you are living! Take a smoke from the pipe like a dumbass college boy, it's funny that no one wants you as their boy toy. Frankly, you're a joke who can't complete shit, and I wish that you'd just up and quit. Your music is all lame, you are a talentless hack, and we all know your biggest idol is that joker Jack Black! You came to play and have fun, but that's done, son! I'm Doyce, your Anders, now get out of my spotlight! Before I Missy you before the big end fight!"